two years and counting

assalamualaikum , it has been 2 years since baba passed away . and it feels like he's gone longer than 2 years sobs . all those memories i shared with him are still clear and so fresh but thats it no more memories will be created.

*2yearsbefore*
it was tuesday morning, im so excited for school that day i dont know why , i even woke up earlier to get ready for school since it was the day i dont have to put on uniform but shirt and pants instead. i was aware that i didnt give my mom yet en jaini's phone number . she need it to call him for approving the permission to let me go back . we were planning to go to KL on that friday to meet my baba  that will come back from india . but we were not expecting that he will came back unbreathable .

while getting ready for school , someone announced my name that i have a visitor , i somehow knew that it was ibu and i was like 'oh , she's here to get en. jaini's number' i grabbed a pen and wrote down his number on paper and flew down as fast as i could bcs i knew she was busy sending my brothers around to school but still could find time to come. and it turn out it was not the purpose why she came.

she hold me tightly and tell me to be strong with what she's going say, seconds before she could said something , actually i already had that instinct that she were going to say that. baba has been preparing us for the day he's gone . he kept telling us to take care of ibu while he's not there. over and over again. he really aware with what he's been facing with his health and we knew that too or maybe its only me angah bcs the rest of my siblings are still small enough to understand what is happening.

i went home with kak lang and ibu. me and angah tried to help ibu as much as we could , i knew she was
facing the hardest time with 6 of us and how to pursue life without baba. we managed to get flight tickets and arrived in kl that evening. this is the most hardest part when relatives and friends come and hug me told me to be patient and have faith blablabla because those words make it harder. it makes more tears come out and they dont even felt what i felt on that time and how they even said that . to be honest i take only words from people who really had lost their loves one . losing a dad its like losing parts of your body you became paralyzed and unsupported . and then i realized that its not the end bcs we still have ibu with us who still will be strong for 6 of us.

the next day, all of us went to KLIA cargo place to fetch baba's body, his body was sent all the way from india and thankfully his friends has taken care of his body in our religion's way. after some of my parents' friends gave their last honour we head back to our village , parit perak.

unfortunately, we didnt manage to get to kiss him and so on as he was applied with some sort of chemical to prevent smell came out during his flight in cargo . he was placed right next to my late greatgrandmother and greatgrandfather . i have a thought that time that this pain will heal by time but its not easy, i wonder how it was for the younger ones. i have lived until 17 years with him . but not the younger ones, they may even not to know baba as whole . i really feel sad for them.

as time goes by, i hope i can treat them just as how baba treated us, how he fed us , how he taught us about life , religion , importance of chasing His jannah. Changing myself to a better person would do.

from Allah we came , and to Him we return.

lots of love ,
tikayap